For this week anyway, I'm mostly over the self-doubt, the insecurity, the 'why', the 'I can't do this' limitations... I made a firm decision at the beginning of this Week 5 to put my all in to this training schedule. Just like last year's big half marathon goal, it's WILL I or WON'T I, rather than CAN I or CAN'T I, and I darn well know the answer to that one. And so it's time I start acting like it!!!
Life really does have absolutely ZERO limitations except the ones we fabricate for one reason or another. Time for me to stop fabricating and switch back to limit-breaking instead! :D
A huge THANK YOU to those of you who have continually cheered me on along this journey. I honestly appreciate it more than you might know, as it helps me feel less alone on this long and windy path.
What helps YOU feel less alone on an otherwise lonesome journey?
I've been struggling with the mental aspect of running and life in general really. So much self-doubt. So much 'lack of time', feeling under pressure, feeling overwhelmed, overstretched and under-appreciated.
Why am I running so much when there are so many other things to which to attend? What is this all for really? What am I trying to prove? Do I really think that I can hold myself together, stick to this training plan and actually succeed at 26.2 miles? Doubts. Questions. A slight dab of loneliness. Insecurity... oh, so much insecurity.
I've felt similar feelings in the past. Setting goals outside my current ability level has always been incredibly daunting. I keep looking back on my previous victories as proof that I can do this. That I will persevere, I will press through, I will be consistent and persistent... I will succeed!
I'm not particularly a morning person either, but to make this training happen alongside everything else I manage, I've been in the process of disciplining myself to get up early (especially on Fridays!) to get my run or workout in first thing in the morning. Me time, before I'm at the beck and call of my three wonderful guys, work and everyday life.
So... with all that said, I did get my workouts in this week, though I have to say I half-a$$ed my cross training workout on Tuesday. I didn't get up on Wednesday for my run, but I did get up today (Thursday) and got it done instead. Friday = 9 miles. Since I'm writing this on Thursday again, I'll report back on those 9 miles. The plan is an early wake-up, out the door before anyone else is up, and run the neighborhood for approximately an hour and a half.
I said on our podcast recording just the other evening that I'm not sure how many people really stop by and read these blog posts, especially now that I'm journaling my journey to 26.2. I receive a comment or two here and there, which I really appreciate. I just... would love to know who's reading these posts... would love to converse more about running, working out, about how we grow unevenly... sharing our struggles, our victories, coming together in collaboration, celebration...
We're all at different stages and levels and I honestly believe we can all support each other at whatever level we happen to be... degrees and certificates or just plain personal experience... we each have something valid, important, useful and helpful to contribute, to share, to learn and to teach... our voices should be heard... can you hear mine?! Haha! Just a quick hello in the comments section below would be nice... :D
Week 4 complete. 20 weeks to go.
UPDATE: No early run this morning due to rain. Yes I have a treadmill, but I've opted to meditate this morning and really make an effort to get some mental junk cleared up... so I can get "unstuck"... I *will* run today at some point, likely on the treadmill. It might not be a full 9 miles but it'll be something. I aim to regroup, refocus and carry forward with my training plan to the best of my time, ability and will power. :)
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This is a Blog Hop post. The following are the 'rules' of the #FitnessFriday Blog Hop:
Soooo.. this week. Week 3 on the marathon training plan. Yep. It was a light week, 3 miles Monday, 30 minute cross training Tuesday, 3 miles Wednesday and a rest day Thursday. None of that went down. Well, except for the rest day Thursday. Nailed that one! :D
Seriously though, along with the failure to workout, I've also been stuffing my face like crazy. Eating whatever, whenever and in whatever quantity I felt like, whether I was truly hungry or not. Eating my emotions much?!
I figured out today what very well could be the trigger of my most recent bout of self-sabotage. I would have been due to give birth this week or thereabouts. Back in early October, we found out we were expecting a new arrival. The timing was such that I'd actually ended up running my first half marathon during the very early stages of pregnancy, unbeknownst to me at the time. I miscarried at around the 7-8 week mark. Not the first miscarriage I'd suffered, but this one kinda stung a little more smartly than the previous ones for reasons I won't ramble on about here and now.
At the time of the miscarriage, I'd basically buried the sadness I felt in order to carry on with everyday life (I mean, I'm already super blessed with two awesome boys!!! Never once will I ever feel less than blessed for miracles that they are). So, the buried emotions have bubbled to the surface at the time we would have otherwise been welcoming the newest member of our family into the world.
I cannot look back in regret over this past week. I needed more sleep, I was more emotionally fragile than normal and it was an 'easy' week anyhow. I've taken some time to cry, to mope, to fully feel the loss and sadness today (Thursday) so that I can have a "Fresh Start Friday" with five miles first thing in the morning..... onward toward Week 4 of marathon training!
This is a Blog Hop post. The following are the 'rules' of the #FitnessFriday Blog Hop:
Hello! For those of you returning from my Week 1 blog update... yes, I DID get my six mile run in very early last Friday, yah!
Now, a Week 2 update...
SATURDAY was the Diva Dash 5k race, followed by running around the house, packing up to go to the lake for the remainder of the weekend. Plenty of exercise was had and I was thoroughly exhausted by the end of the day.
SUNDAY was a scheduled rest day, but do you think I rested? Nah. I didn't do any "formal" workout, but at the lake, we walked to the beach, chased around the 2-year-old, gathered shells, walked the shoreline... then it was off to the pool for swimming and fun. Then a stop by the playground where we ran around with the kiddos some more. Lots of walking, lots of activity all day. And the family time, I LOVED every moment of it!!
MONDAY was supposed to be a 4 mile run, but since I'd had so much physical activity on my "rest" day Sunday, I chose to sleep in and treat Monday as my rest day. It was anything but restful as far as business and catching up on some household responsibilities though!!
TUESDAY is a cross training day. This week, I chose one of my very favorite yoga workouts: Kundalini Yoga with Gurmukh. I love this yoga DVD not only for the physical benefits, but also for the mental and spiritual "cleanse" I feel when I've done it. No downward dogs or planks or anything too "pretzel-y", so it's great for any and all fitness levels.
WEDNESDAY this week was a 30 minute tempo run. I *almost* got out the door at 6:30 that morning to get it done nice and early. I had my hand on the doorknob, started to turn it, then the 2-year-old woke up. And so I stayed in. Then it rained all day. So, once the kiddos were in bed for the night, my treadmill got a visit from me and I ended up running 3.47 miles in 30 minutes (8:40 pace). It was worth the wait!
THURSDAY = rest day. Again, I'm writing this on a Thursday in preparation for Friday. A rest day allows for a little extra time to get this blog written. Yeah!
FRIDAY = by the time you read this, TODAY. I'm scheduling myself an early wake-up time in order to fit in 7 miles before the rest of the household awakens. I'll just have to be a little quieter opening up the front door to let myself out, haha!
Like last week, if you've read this far -- please check in with me to make sure I ran my seven miles this morning!!!
I can hardly believe that I'm nearing the end of my second week of training already. So far things are going pretty smoothly. The countdown continues... 22 weeks to go. I'm enjoying this gettin' in the groove of regular, consistent practice and training again, and I have no intention of letting the ball drop on it. Holding on to that "...feeling, behind the groove."
And that wraps up this week's update! Meet me back here next week for more marathon training news and, in the meantime, let me know in the comments below...
What are some of your favorite summertime activities??
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