I've been struggling with the mental aspect of running and life in general really. So much self-doubt. So much 'lack of time', feeling under pressure, feeling overwhelmed, overstretched and under-appreciated.
Why am I running so much when there are so many other things to which to attend? What is this all for really? What am I trying to prove? Do I really think that I can hold myself together, stick to this training plan and actually succeed at 26.2 miles? Doubts. Questions. A slight dab of loneliness. Insecurity... oh, so much insecurity.
I've felt similar feelings in the past. Setting goals outside my current ability level has always been incredibly daunting. I keep looking back on my previous victories as proof that I can do this. That I will persevere, I will press through, I will be consistent and persistent... I will succeed!
I'm not particularly a morning person either, but to make this training happen alongside everything else I manage, I've been in the process of disciplining myself to get up early (especially on Fridays!) to get my run or workout in first thing in the morning. Me time, before I'm at the beck and call of my three wonderful guys, work and everyday life.
So... with all that said, I did get my workouts in this week, though I have to say I half-a$$ed my cross training workout on Tuesday. I didn't get up on Wednesday for my run, but I did get up today (Thursday) and got it done instead. Friday = 9 miles. Since I'm writing this on Thursday again, I'll report back on those 9 miles. The plan is an early wake-up, out the door before anyone else is up, and run the neighborhood for approximately an hour and a half.
I said on our podcast recording just the other evening that I'm not sure how many people really stop by and read these blog posts, especially now that I'm journaling my journey to 26.2. I receive a comment or two here and there, which I really appreciate. I just... would love to know who's reading these posts... would love to converse more about running, working out, about how we grow unevenly... sharing our struggles, our victories, coming together in collaboration, celebration...
We're all at different stages and levels and I honestly believe we can all support each other at whatever level we happen to be... degrees and certificates or just plain personal experience... we each have something valid, important, useful and helpful to contribute, to share, to learn and to teach... our voices should be heard... can you hear mine?! Haha! Just a quick hello in the comments section below would be nice... :D
Week 4 complete. 20 weeks to go.
UPDATE: No early run this morning due to rain. Yes I have a treadmill, but I've opted to meditate this morning and really make an effort to get some mental junk cleared up... so I can get "unstuck"... I *will* run today at some point, likely on the treadmill. It might not be a full 9 miles but it'll be something. I aim to regroup, refocus and carry forward with my training plan to the best of my time, ability and will power. :)
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