Soooo.. this week. Week 3 on the marathon training plan. Yep. It was a light week, 3 miles Monday, 30 minute cross training Tuesday, 3 miles Wednesday and a rest day Thursday. None of that went down. Well, except for the rest day Thursday. Nailed that one! :D
Seriously though, along with the failure to workout, I've also been stuffing my face like crazy. Eating whatever, whenever and in whatever quantity I felt like, whether I was truly hungry or not. Eating my emotions much?!
I figured out today what very well could be the trigger of my most recent bout of self-sabotage. I would have been due to give birth this week or thereabouts. Back in early October, we found out we were expecting a new arrival. The timing was such that I'd actually ended up running my first half marathon during the very early stages of pregnancy, unbeknownst to me at the time. I miscarried at around the 7-8 week mark. Not the first miscarriage I'd suffered, but this one kinda stung a little more smartly than the previous ones for reasons I won't ramble on about here and now.
At the time of the miscarriage, I'd basically buried the sadness I felt in order to carry on with everyday life (I mean, I'm already super blessed with two awesome boys!!! Never once will I ever feel less than blessed for miracles that they are). So, the buried emotions have bubbled to the surface at the time we would have otherwise been welcoming the newest member of our family into the world.
I cannot look back in regret over this past week. I needed more sleep, I was more emotionally fragile than normal and it was an 'easy' week anyhow. I've taken some time to cry, to mope, to fully feel the loss and sadness today (Thursday) so that I can have a "Fresh Start Friday" with five miles first thing in the morning..... onward toward Week 4 of marathon training!
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