Self-Sabotage: Recognizing and Halting It

This was me in July 2010.  I made a promise to myself then, that I would get healthy and stay fit.  I lost 50 pounds before I got pregnant.

Today, our little guy turned 7 months old.  I'm still hanging on to approximately 5 pounds of "baby weight", besides the 20-25 pounds I have yet to drop to reach my "ideal" weight.  

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This was me at the beginning of Jillian Michaels' Body Revolution.  Approximately the beginning of June 2012.

I lost approximately 10 pounds before I petered out on the whole workout system with about one and a half weeks to go.

I haven't taken any "after" photos and I was fairly discouraged by the measurements I took just days ago.  However, MY fault -- I stopped logging my food intake on MyFitnessPal, started eating pretty much whatever, whenever.

Honestly, I've been on another self-sabotage, self-loathing spree, while at the same time trying to unravel some of the knots that have led me to this path yet again.  Stuff from as far back as childhood.  A lot of reflection on the past and how I was raised, how I came to the conclusion that I'm ugly, unworthy, less than and undeserving.

Plus, add in a new school routine.  Our third grader is attending Indiana Connections Academy, an online public school from home, this year.  That means my husband and I are his "Learning Coaches" and we sit down with him every day to help him complete his lessons.

I also started a part time job outside of the home about three weeks ago.  So, needless to say, I've been SO busy, and pretty overwhelmed most of the time.

However, I've allowed all of this buildup to derail me from my fitness and personal health goals.  I am slowly getting back on track.  I've exercised more this week than in the past 3 weeks combined, and my husband and I have a 4 mile "anniversary" run in just over two weeks.  I must be prepared!

Our family has started a weekly "Family Goal Sheet" which is aimed to help us stay on track with our individual and collective goals, pull us together as a family team, and keep us accountable to one another.  We have a family reward at the end of the week to celebrate us all staying on track, as well as small individual rewards that generally don't cost any money.

In our first week, we've definitely seen improvement in our 8-year-old son's behavior and attitudes, and it has helped us parents stay on track with our work and aspirations.

This blog allows me to check off part of my goal list, as will two more runs before the week is through.  I'm committed to refreshing my fitness journey as I learn and grow as a person, letting go of past hurts that continue to resurface every time I self-sabotage.  I AM strong enough to get back on track and to love ME once again.

I have worked VERY hard to get to where I am today, and it's high time I realize just how strong, smart and sexy I really am, begin speaking more positively TO and ABOUT myself, and letting that compassionate confidence shine even more brightly than before!

Maybe I'll even post another blog soon with a new BEFORE photo -- the beginning of yet another adventure into fitness, health and exercise!  Right now, I'm really interested in running (of course) and yoga (strengthening + stretching! + meditation in motion -- love it!)

What has been YOUR biggest obstacle or hurdle to a healthier lifestyle?  Leave me a message in the comments section; I'd love to hear from you!

~ Chandra

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