Overcoming the Slippery Slope of Self Doubt

Self-doubt keeps us grounded.

Okay, bear with me here, as this may turn out to be a little more scattered and longer than I normally like my blog posts to be.  I haven't had a whole lot of time to devote to writing lately, and so I thought I'd take the relative quiet of this beautiful Sunday afternoon to write a bit of a personal update.

Writing just happens to be one of my favorite outlets besides running and yoga - both of which have ALSO been put aside except sporadically for the past several weeks.  Why?  The reasons are many.  One, I fell neatly into the trap of "I'm far too busy to take care of myself, what with needing to bring on more clients and more work ASAP, and keep up on my current workload, and kids to care for, and a husband to support, and a house to clean and dinners to plan and cook, and so on...".  And before you inquire, my husband is one of the most considerate, helpful, handy husbands out there.  We both have big ambitious goals and fully support one another in reaching them - how lucky can I be?! ;)  Anyway, yeah, so right as I was coming near the conclusion of the intermediate half marathon training plan at the beginning of May, I petered out.  I only got about a third of the way through P90X3.  Life happened and I allowed my workout plans and schedule to be derailed, knowing that I would pick back up again not too far down the road, as my marathon goal still remains.

I put taking care of my physical self aside also to deal with some mental and emotional happenings and healing.  I've said so many times over again that getting healthier is just as much a mental and emotional journey as it is a physical one.  I've dealt with so many fears, so much doubt, so many worries, so much anxiety in the past 4 years... everything within my mind that wants to limit me in any way... I've dealt with it, worked through it, let it hold me back for a while, beat it and moved forward.  Oftentimes, I'll hit the self-destruct button to (subconsciously) purposely wreck or delay my progress, out of fear, out of guilt...  (Here's a cool video on the subject).  That's what trips me up every time and seemingly delays the progress I'd ideally like to see, but I've learned that it's a process, and that sometimes it's perfectly okay to wallow in self-doubt as you work through issues, as long as you don't end up wallowing for too terribly long before you pick yourself back up again and carry on toward your goals.

I still have full 100% dedicated determination to achieve the goal I set for myself back on New Years Day.  As I said, my full marathon goal is still very much alive.  And a mere twenty four weeks away.  I won't excuse myself from this goal, and so I allowed myself this time to indulge in unhealthy foods, to eat whatever, whenever and in whatever quantity I felt like.  I allowed myself to slack on working out.  I allowed myself this time to untangle some long-held yet completely untrue thoughts about myself and my sense of self worth. 

I don't expect that I won't still be facing fears throughout this journey to 26.2.  I don't expect that I'm done growing.  However, I *do* expect to reincorporate regular exercise, eating healthy and drinking plenty of water beginning tomorrow morning, Monday, May 26, 2014.  I will put to use everything I know about self-care and make it a priority once again, because it helps me to be more focused and confident with the other parts of my life and daily duties.

Honestly, as I've come to the very end of this break, I've been feeling the itch to get back at it, the ache of missing my stress outlets, the buildup of excess energy that needs those kind of releases.  I feel like an arrow being pulled back, slowly and deliberately, eye on the bullseye... ready to take aim and sail toward my goals. Yet antsy to get started because, let's face it, patience has most certainly never been a strong suit of mine!  Patient persistence.  I'm learning.

I'm taking part of this weekend to reorganize, to schedule my week ahead, my month ahead and to get really clear on my goals for self-care, family, home, career and so on.  I have big ambitious ideas but I need a clear plan of action to go along with the crazy goals and ambitions!! :D

I've chosen my marathon training plan, Hal Higdon's Marathon 3 plan.  It begins tomorrow.  I rededicate myself to the process and make sure to make my own self-care a top priority, because then and only then, will I continue to have the energy, the alertness, the confidence and the stress relief that the other parts of my day will require of me moving forward. I *will* run that marathon on November 8!!

As for my blog, I'll be using partially it to log and track my marathon training plan progress, week by week, as part of my #FitnessFriday contribution - beginning this coming Friday.  So if you, my regular readers (I have some regulars, right??) don't hear an update from me during any particular week, please check in on me.  I plan to hold myself accountable to you - to my Facebook fitness friends - and most of all to myself.  Because I deserve to treat myself and this amazing body with the care and consideration it deserves.  This body that can do so much more than I ever thought possible, even though it may not "look" a certain way (which reminds me, check out this awesomely inspiring blog).  That's another blog in the works -- society's standards versus our everyday life realities.

What inspires you to keep going when you feel less than confident about yourself?  Let me know in the comments below, because you never know, you may inspire the next reader that stops by!

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