I tend to write quite a lot about "being yourself" and "doing your own thing" regardless of the judgment of others. You'd think I'd be a wholly and completely confident person in order to be able to write suggestions and stories and tips for others on the topic of confidence and "being yourself", right?
Well, if so, you'd be wrong. I still stutter and stumble over my words and get nervous and turn several shades of red when I speak in front of a group of others. Admittedly, even one-on-one conversation can be a bit tricky for me at times.
I've made tiny baby steps, as well as huge leaps, outside my comfort zone because I think... no, I *know* now that I'm supposed to be out there in front of people, teaching them in some capacity or other... my husband and I have been mulling over social media experience and wondering how we can make that in to more of my 'career', my 'calling'... teaching classes along those lines perhaps... the creative wheels are churning around here, as always. However, I still face a huge amount of fear when it comes to speaking with others.
I say I've come a long way, because really I have. When I was a small child, I had trouble even speaking with my own grandparents. However, I intuit that part of my calling is being out in front of others, sharing information in some form or another. It's the thing I'm *most* resistant to... because I've lived in fear of putting myself out there to be at the mercy of other people's thoughts, opinions and judgments. To be totally and completely vulnerable like that is thoroughly frightening to me. Yikes!
What the heck does this have to do with the title of this blog post, you ask? Yeah, I wondered there for a moment too, but I'll bring it back around. "Are you living by default?" What does that even mean? To me, it means, are you living within the limitations of your fears? Reacting to the atmosphere and circumstances around you (thus perpetuating them)? Nothing ever really changes for the positive and goals aren't reached (or even set!) because you're too busy giving up and giving in when the going gets too tough. When everything seems impossible. Constantly telling yourself "I can't", or "I wish", being "stuck" awaiting "one day".
OR are you living deliberately? Feeling the fear of public speaking, yet doing it anyhow? Feeling the frustration of slow progress, yet "doing the daily grind" anyway, knowing that any big goal or dream is worth the struggle, worth developing the patience, the dedication, the tenacity to keep moving forward despite obstacles, setbacks and feelings of discouragement? Knowing that when you feel like giving up most, something tells you to hold on, just a little bit longer... for success is sometimes a sneaky little thing, showing up in little bits and pieces slowly over time, rather than in one big triumphant moment complete with fanfare and fireworks.
I've had many a moment of wanting to throw my hands up in the air and give it all up, telling myself this is just too hard, I'm not up to the task of entrepreneurship after all, and that it's time to head back in to the world of nine-to-five. Nothing against that world, but I know in my heart I'm meant to be at home with my children, and living the creative, often bumpy road of an entrepreneur. During those moments, I allow myself tears of frustration, but I just cannot allow myself to wallow there for too terribly long before I pick myself back up again, count the many and abundant blessings that surround me already and carry on forward toward my dreams.
Those dreams, the career ones, are slowly but surely coming more and more in to focus with each passing day. I'd like to thank you all, every one of you who stops by this blog post, for joining me - if even for just a brief moment - on this journey. This journey toward following my intuition no matter how terrified I often feel. The journey toward being able to help others in some bigger capacity... that capacity is becoming more apparent, and I'm excited to begin working out the details, logistics, systems and so on to carry this through.
Yes, this is my #FitnessFriday blog post for this week. No, it's not about physical fitness this time around. Why? Because I've learned that fitness also encompasses our mental and emotional realms. You'll only go so far as you allow your mind to believe. I'm beginning to allow my mind to believe that I *am* confident enough to stand up in front of people and speak in some capacity. :)
So, tell me in a comment below -- Are you living by default or are you breaking free from limitations by making empowering choices in your life despite feeling fear and resistance?
This is a Blog Hop post. The following are the 'rules' of the #FitnessFriday Blog Hop:
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