A Reintroduction of Sorts

I've been out of the blogging world for the past couple of years. A surprise pregnancy and raising an infant kind of took over my whole life.  I have a 14 month old daughter now, along with a 5 year old son and an almost 13 year old son.  It's been a wild ride, adjusting to having 3 children - homeschooling, breastfeeding, working from home.

I've been through a year plus of postpartum anxiety, which is slowly getting better, though I still have some rough days.  I'm very much an introverted person who requires alone time to recharge my people-batteries, but with 3 kids and a husband, along with work and extended family, it's darn near impossible to find but 10 minutes in a day to be alone.  I'm learning to adjust and learning to deliberately carve out more time for solitude and silence, asking for help when needed, and knowing that just as soon as I'm able to get outside and stretch these runner legs more regularly, the pent-up anxious feelings will be easier to manage.

I also use meditation to deal with the overwhelm and anxiety. In future blog posts, I'll share some of the meditations I like best. Videos and audios containing binaural beats are also great tools that I've found helps me subtly reprogram my thoughts and drop down out of the sense of panic and feeling of being frozen in indecision or sensory overload.

This anxiety is honestly something I've lived with for as long as I can remember, but it seems to have grown more intense since the birth of my daughter.  I feel like I'm in the process of shedding so much I've bottled up from the past, and it's hard and heavy work.  I get occasional glimpses of the confident, self-assured person I have the potential to be, yet so far I've found it to be incredibly difficult to stay on that wavelength for very long at a time.  I keep trying.  Each day, facing the thoughts in my head that try to tear me down, voices from the past, the critical voice of perfectionism, the habit of trying to please everyone, and putting myself last out of guilt.

Slowly, but surely, I've started on a path toward creating time for self-care, making healthier choices, setting healthier boundaries, doing things that I love to do.  Looking out for myself.  It isn't selfish.  It is necessary.  I have to keep convincing myself of this.  I must.  I have a daughter now to set a better example for.  I have two sons that look up to me as well.

This time, I haven't sought one-on-one therapy or any other medical treatment for this most recent battle with anxiety, I have in the past sought out and had decent success with speaking to someone on a one-on-one basis.  I find that having a mentor, a counselor, or a coach of sorts is a really great way to help hold yourself accountable to your highest goals and potential, to help you process your emotions and feelings, to help you through healing.  Never be afraid to reach out to someone when you're struggling.  You're never alone, no matter what your thoughts try to tell you.

I look forward to staying in touch with you all via my blog once again.  I've missed this.  It's something else therapeutic that helps me process and handle the anxiety more effectively.  What's something that helps you when you're feeling anxious?  Let me know in the comments.  You might help someone else with your suggestion!

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